IELTS sample writing – Should Children Always follow their Parents’ Advice

Criteria Yes / no comments
Does the answer address the specific question? Only generally The conclusion does not match the question: Nevertheless, parents must respect their children because all of them are independent, self-contained individual in spite of their age.
Are reasons given to support ideas? Yes
Are examples given to support ideas? Yes
Is there any irrelevant, excess or inaccurate detail? Some There is too much on ‘what advice should parents give’ as opposed to what the question asks
Are there clear paragraphs? No
Does each paragraph have a central topic which is developed? No
Are sentences joined well? Not always Certainly, in most cases children should follow their parent’s advice. But if their parents are conscientious adequate citizens (members) of society. / they are able a good ability to feel difference between the bad things and good actions as well. And if some parents did dishonest acts or antirational as well they (children) would h
Is vocabulary used well to answer the question? Mostly
Are there less common idiomatic expressions / collocations? Yes Indisputably, children are immature / chronic drunkard
Are there problems with word formation or collocation? yes In some cases it interferes with understanding = 5 for vocabulary – Compet / antirational
Are there spelling mistakes? yes , drag addict
Is there are range of structures? Not really Mostly repetition of modal verbs and present simple
Are there complex sentences? Some ‘if’ sentences.
Are there problems with grammar? yes it is often happens /
Advice – use central paragraphs and subordinate clauses. Read examples from the websites recommended here – http://aitonenglish.com/?p=100

Should children always follow their parents’ advice?

We are people and each of us has their own character, personality and emotions. (doesn’t link with next sentence)

Certainly, in most cases children should follow their parents’ advice, but only if their parents are conscientious adequate????? members of society.

Unfortunately, there are parents who are unfit to raise children, including in Russia. Nowadays, it often happens thata few parents are chronic drunkards, drug addicts and compet??? children to ask alms, child prostitution and other forced labor, so children shouldn’t follow advice of such parents. (no new sentence for ‘so’ and ‘but’)

If parents really love children and do everything for their bright future then without any doubt children should follow their parents’ advice before they come of age. (why is this a paragraph?)

In addition, parents shouldn’t have complete control over their children, but certainly if they are paying for their food, clothing and shelter children might consider parent’s opinion. (Why is this paragraph?)

But parents shouldn’t advise their children anything that they don’t know thoroughly. For example, a very famous physician can’t advise their children to be a tailor and etc. (why is this paragraph?)

Indisputably, children are immature and they don’t have enough life experience like their parents have, but they have a good ability to feel the difference between the bad things and good actions as well. And if some parents did dishonest acts or antirational?? as well they (children)??? would have had a whole law gives their own wishes or opinions.?????

Nevertheless, parents must respect their children because all of them are independent, self-contained individual in spite of their age. (Not connected with the SPECIFIC question)

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