IELTS sample writing – Should Children always follow their parents’ advice?

Criteria Yes / no comment
Does the answer address the specific question? yes The answer is very well directly focused on the specific question. The stance is clear throughout.
Are reasons given to support ideas? yes
Are examples given to support ideas? yes
Is there any irrelevant, excess or inaccurate detail? Mostly relevant The idea of the second-last paragraph is not clear.
Are there clear paragraphs? yes The paragraphs are organized logically to lead towards the conclusion
Does each paragraph have a central topic which is developed? Yes Good use of topic sentences
Are sentences joined well? mostly Bad = parents’ advise. Because adults

Good = In that case / But not all parents / It’s a reason why / This can / that is why..

Is vocabulary used well to answer the question? yes - = repetition of ‘follow advice”.

+ = use of adjectives e.g. comfortable, safier, easier and happier

Are there less common idiomatic expressions / collocations? some e.g. coddle
Are there problems with word formation or collocation? frequent children garden, conversation with them, are nature instincts, haven’t breach of the psuche??, do their childrens life more comfortable
Are there spelling mistakes? frequent Predicte, be happend
Is there are range of structures? some
Are there complex sentences? Some Use “….,which is why” instead of “….. That is why”
Are there problems with grammar? frequent do so much things, isn’t always happends, each children,
Tips –

Don’t repeat language given in the question in your answer

Start a spelling mistake list

Pay attention to word formation in collocation

Pay attention to basic structures with auxiliary verbs like “will, don’t..etc”

Children should always follow their parents’ advice. Do you agree?

Parents’ general goal is to care about their children: about their children’s health, children’s good life and better future. That is way people do so many things for their children: dress them, feed,coddle them, take to school, kindergarden and different sections and pick them up. Parents always want to help their children, give them advice, have a conversation with them. All of these are natural instincts which work when people have good sense and haven’t breach of the psuche???. But that doesn’talways happen.
I absolutely agree when children are too small to care for themrselves they should follow their parents’ advice,because adults have more experience compared with children. Parents give their children advice how they should act in some situation, because they have knowledge about this, they can analyse events or predicte what may  happen.The general idea is parents want to make their childrens’ life more comfortable, safer, easier and happier. That is why children should follow their parents’ advice.
But not all parents fulill their parents’ obligations as well as they must. This can happen in different ways. There are a lot of examples when people don’t care about their children and give them bad advice like to lie, to steal. In that case, I think for children it would be more useful and safer to follow other peoples advice.  It may be a teacher in school or friend, or neigbor, people who have success, who have taken ?? achieved?? their goals. It’s a reason why I don’t agree that children should always follow their parents’ advice.
In my opinion whether each child should decide to follow their parents’ advice or not it might depend on how they trust each other, their relationship and understanding. I think even very small children can understand what is good or what is bad and can make deсision. (not a clear point in this paragraph)

In conclusion, I would like to mention that, everybody makes mistakes in their life and it will be better to study not your own mistakes but learn from other people’s mistakes. That is why parents can be good advisers. Life is the best teacher. I agree that children should follow their parents’ advice but not always. (well done, answered the specific question)

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