TOEFL Writing – Independent Essay – Earning a living vs Earning a lot

Many people believe that it is very important to make large amounts of money, while others are satisfied to earn a comfortable living. Analyze each viewpoint and take a stand. Give specific reasons for your position.

A lot of people are concern concerned about their wages and salaries. A dilemma occurred because of it, which is whether people need to make large amounts of money or is it is enough to earn a comfortable living. Both positions are clear and both have advantages and disadvantages.

On the one hand it is not bad to have money just enough for life without any needs. You can have different goods which make your lifve a bit merrier and easier ranging from good TV-stations sets to nice cars. However, But if you want more, a big house on the sea coast, for instance, you will have to save your money for a significant period of time, which will make your life not so comfortable, or, more likely, you may never put your dreams into action as you will never have enough money. Therefore the downside of having money just for a comfortable life is the fact that you cannot afford everything you want. However, the bright side of such a living is the fact that you can have a job that does not require all your time, so you can spend you weekends, evenings and holidays with your family.

On the other hand, there is a possibility to receive earn a lot of money / have a large salary. With sums of money like that you will be able to acquire whatever you want, for example a couple of big houses, some cars, maybe a ship. Money also can be spent on charity to help other people, a respectable and worthy move. But However, this affluence can lead to a hedonistic life full of parties, boozes binge-drinking and other unpleasant things.[Is this really that common a danger for rich people?] There is another downside in to having a lot of money, which is the fact that to earn a lot you have to work a lot, therefore it isn unlikely you will have enough time to spend with your family, and this hard-working lifestyle without family support can lead to overstress. [this is probably more common than the previous point]

From my point of view, it is nice to have money just enough to have a comfortable life as I am a woman and it is very important to spend time with my family for me. However, I think in family life a husband should earn more money in order to support his family. [Careful!! You went slightly off-topic. This last sentence answers the question ‘what is the role of the husband in earning household income]

Checklist Yes / no Comments / examples
Did you effectively address the topic / task? Yes Except for the last sentence it was on topic. You were asked to discuss both sides and state your opinion. You did it well
Did you develop your answer well [reasons / examples]? Yes Perhaps they vcould have been developed a little more fully. E.g. “this hard-working lifestyle without family support can lead to overstress, which means you may not even enjoy your money.
Did you organize the order of ideas well? More or less Think about prioritizing your examples / opinions. The key ones should come first. I would have swapped the ‘partying’ and ‘less time with the family’ arguments
Did you link ideas cohesively? yes DON’T use ‘but’ to begin a sentence in formal writings. Alternatives are ‘Nevertheless / However, / Nonetheless, /
Did you use a variety of sentences? Yes
Did you use language with facility? Yes NOTE – try to paraphrase the language from the question in the introduction. You can use it later.
Did you use language appropriately? Mostly ‘boozing’ is INFORMAL. TV-sets
Did you make only minor errors? Yes
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